Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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