Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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