We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
