Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
