you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
