idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
