why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
