So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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