i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
