Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
