Where did you get a picture of my penis
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
