...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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