she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you win again, gameday.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
