Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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