My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
