she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
