Soap is not a condiment
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
