you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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