She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
