Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
