My room smells like vodka and shame
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You took a bar mat shot.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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