I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
