And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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