I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
