i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
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