i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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