I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
