everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
