Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
