I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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