I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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