What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
