I just saw a hot homeless man
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
