...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
