I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
