You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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