i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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