i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Small penises have feelings too.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
