Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
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how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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