every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
