So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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