i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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