is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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