Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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