that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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