This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
