When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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