If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
