READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
now i know why i became what i already was.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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