Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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