As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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