Barsexuality is the new black.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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