Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
