please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
