idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
