I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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