I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
