apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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