I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
