i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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