DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
