i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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