Taylor Swift is so right about you.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Small penises have feelings too.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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