so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Never joke about your clitoris.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
