i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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