I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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