So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize