I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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