Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
