you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
