This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
