when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
