Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
