I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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