i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
