She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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