areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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