I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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