I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
