If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
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Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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