I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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