yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
